Justice for Warrior Dapkins!
We are very happy to announce that, after trying to make his life a living hell for years, Bedminster Township has dropped all charges against our friend and fellow warrior, John Dapkins. While admitting no guilt themselves, the township agreed to settle for a $450K payout because, hey, why wouldn’t you pay close to half a million dollars when you’ve done nothing wrong?!
Congratulations, John! We knew the truth would ultimately come out… The cream always rises to the top!